APRiCot Garden 2025: Research as Regenerative Practice. Lecture Performance by Simon(e) van Saarloos: “Embracing Despair: Releasing Trans of Its Promise and Ambition”
In her formulation of Three Sisters Thinking, curator Antonia Majaca writes: “Against the cold planetary vision of technocratic managers, we invoke a warm, pulsating mycorrhizal network of knowledge—one that breathes, transforms, and perpetually exceeds the calculative boundaries of extractive knowledge “production”.” In my talk, I turn and ongoingly return to the surgery table. The surgery table is a warm and fuzzy place, a moment of infinite potential, a “not-in-between” (Fred Moten). Once I woke up from surgery, I wanted to return to that singular special moment before going under, but such a return is not possible. Unfortunately, there is also no real going forward – only a disappointing surrender to the same old binary gender system, enforced state (mis)recognition, bathrooms that don’t fit, more medical violence, and, at best, liberal celebrations of your existence. What if you never want to wake up from surgery, never wish to appear legibly gendered to current registers of recognition?
